The Beautiful Bio
Its hard to sum me up. I’m not exactly a simple person. Neither is my blog. For you beautiful followers to kind of understand me, I think that I should tell you a little about my past.
I’ve had an eating disorder for as long as I can remember. From ages 5-12 it was a binge eating disorder. I was an only child, no one really paid attention to me and food was always there to comfort me. I was quite a chubby child because of that.
When I turned 12 I entered jr. high and people would tease me about being fat. All my friends began to have boyfriends and nobody wanted me. One day I saw a tv show in which a skinny girl mentioned that she threw up to be thin. Something clicked inside my head. That was the solution. I would eat, but I’d throw it up when I overate. So from ages 12-15 I had mild bulimia. I would eat normally, but when I felt that I had eaten junk food or too much I would throw up. That came around to throwing up around twice a week.
When I was 15 I fell in love for the first time. I was madly in love with a 19 year old boy, and somehow, for some reason he seemed to like me too. Obviously he took advantage of the situation and of me too. After he got what he wanted, he dumped me and soon I found out that he had gotten another girl pregnant. That was when my eating disorders took a turn for the worse. I convinced myself that he had left me because I was too fat for him. That coupled with depression, got me to a point where I was completely bulimic. I would throw up the little food I ate numerous times a day. That went on for about a year, until my mother found me throwing up in the bathroom one night. I ‘stopped’ for about a month, but as I saw the pounds pile on, I decided to stop eating (anorexia) to keep my weight under control (another year passed.) When I was about 17 years old, I had a breakdown and had heart palpitations from lack of food and nutrients. That was kind of a wake up call and I began to eat right for about a year.
6 months ago though I realized that I had piled on too many pounds. I had gone back to binge eating, something that’s just as unhealthy as not eating. So January 2012 I made it my resolution to lose weight the healthy way. Really, that’s how I want to lose the weight, I want to be healthy, I really do, but sometimes the mind of an anorexic gets in my way, and I do fuck up sometimes. Sometimes I do panic when I eat too much and fast the next day. Sometimes I do take some of my mom’s laxatives when I’ve overeaten. Obviously this blog reflects the mix of emotions that I am. Sometimes I feel anorexic, sometimes I feel bulimic, and sometimes I feel healthy. So don’t judge me if one day I’m talking about losing weight the healthy way, and the next you see a post about anorexia. I’m a complicated girl, and so is this blog.
